Hearing Voices
Lately, my "eureka" thoughts always seem to be popping up while I'm driving my car at night. Which is inconvenient, because you can't just grab a pen and write them down, and it's not always expedient to pull over.
Anyway, last night while driving around, it occurred to me that whenever I talk to MYSELF (as opposed to other people), I always use "you" instead of "I." I'll say to myself, "You're so (fill in the blank)." Or, You really fucked that up, didn't you?" Or, "You did a good job on that."
And it struck me this is really odd. Why aren't I saying, "I did well at that"? Or, "I'm so (whatever)"? Why am I talking to myself with an (often accusatory) "you?" Why am I not taking credit for myself to my own self?
It's weird, almost as if there's some outside "judger" I've created that confirms for me how I'm allowed to feel about myself. I don't let myself own it.
This realization really smacked me in the face. I'm glad I recognized it. And I think I'm going to start making some changes to my inner monologue as a result.
I mentioned this to a friend today and she was also shocked that she did the same thing. She'd also never thought about it before.
Now I wonder if this phenomenon is common. When you talk to yourself, do you hear the "you" voice, or the "I" voice?
Comments (16)
(this is my first comment on the new blog. My, it smells so fresh and clean in here. mmmm.)
I tend to say "we". And the monologues tend to be fraught. As in "we'd better be careful with this jumper, because it's live and you don't want to go blowing us 15 feet across the room. it would be unpleasant." Or, "I think we need to slow down right now."
Just thinking about it, there's an occasional you. So it's as if there are quite a few voices up there, but ultimately only one of those voices is connected to the physical body that moves. Unlike most people with multiple personalities, though, we are always in pretty much total agreement and act in concert.
And there may be an entry in this. If so, thanks for the seed.
1. Posted by Buck on October 5, 2006
Buck: Your magesty! Forgive me, I had no idea. I'm so honored you've visited my blog.
The royal "we," eh? Well, if I ever meet you, I promise to curtsey real pretty and proper like.
In seriousness: How interesting, though. It would never occur to me to use a "we." But it's entirely fitting that'd you'd be unique and unusual.
Thanks for sticking with me. :) It wouldn't be the same without you. Now if you'd just start WRITING again, please, please.
2. Posted by Miss Syl on October 5, 2006
I think the "we" is cultural. Don't Brits say things like "Give us a kiss"?
I use "you" or "I" depending on the nature of the internal dialogue. Of the times I use "I", what comes to mind is when I'm thinking about stuff I'm doing, just did, or will do.
"I can't believe I did that."
"I better hurry up and get to the store before it closes."
"I fucken rock!"
I think I use "you" when I'm advising myself, or remonstrating with myself.
"You ought to be more careful."
"You really fucked that up."
But then, I also think those things with an "I", too.
I dunno, I'm not sure what would cause a person to dialogue with themselves using "you", or make proclamations using "I".
3. Posted by Hiromi on October 6, 2006
Hiromi: Yes, on second thought, I do *occasionally* use "I" in my inner monologue, but only for very practical items. "I need to go to the store." That kind of thing. Anything value judgment related is always "you."
4. Posted by Miss Syl on October 6, 2006
Actually? I think in the third person. I think it's just something that happened the more into storytelling and writing I got -- I began to think of everything in narrative.
"She sat at her keyboard and wondered whether she should admit her unusual thought processes."
No shit, that's what went through my mind (albeit a little less refined) when I read the question.
By comparison, your "you"s seem rather sane :)
5. Posted by Sara no H. on October 6, 2006
How interesting. This had never really occurred to me either, but yes, I say 'you' to me all the time. Particularly when I'm telling myself off. Maybe it's easier to try and control oneself that way, by splitting in two. Maybe it's the ego talking to the id.
But then again, when I'm journal-writing, it's always 'I'. As though the page is an audience I'm explaining things to. I could go off on a wild tangent here about 'ontological reciprocity', which sounds horrendous but is quite a cool concept, the gist of which is that we always need a mirror in order to see ourselves. An 'Other', that we create if we don't have it in reality.
Instead, I shall take off the philosophy hat and go and discuss it with myself...
6. Posted by nikki on October 6, 2006
Most of the time, I think "you." Once in a while, I think "we." A very occasional once in a while, I address myself by name, e.g. "Mu Ling, we need to take a deep breath. It's okay." I usually only do that when very, very upset.
Cool post.
7. Posted by Mu Ling on October 6, 2006
This is a well-covered issue in philosophy of the mind.
Try this link, for starters.
8. Posted by Brandon on October 6, 2006
Hmmm, I'm not sure. I'll have to try to notice what I do.
9. Posted by notcarrie on October 6, 2006
Sara no H: (great name!) Just goes to show me once again that I should never assume everyone thinks like me. I like your variation. Very literary.
Nikki: Yeah, journal writing I do "I" as well. But I think that's pretty common because from childhood onward we're taught to think "dear diary," as if we're writing a letter to someone--so first person would be natural.
Mu Ling: Thanks. My we all have so many us-es in there. It seems it's a wonder we know who we are at all.
Brandon: Verrrry interesting. I like a man who comes bearing source material. I will check it out.
Not Carrie: I will expect a full report on my desk in the morning. ;-P
10. Posted by Miss Syl on October 6, 2006
I, I, always I. I am not a "we" , I am not a "you" , I am I. Myself. One and only.
"And that's .....ok."
11. Posted by TravelingMermaid on October 6, 2006
Syl, Hiromi: No, it's not a royal thing, not a cultural thing. I've been thinking about this ever since I first read Syl's original post, and I'm convinced there's more than one of me in here. Informally, to myself, I call us "the voices". I can't believe I'm actually telling you this. The voices are inside, and sometimes one of us only speaks, but mostly it's all of us at once - as I say, we're pretty much in agreement. I've been trying to count and there are about four or five of us, I think, but maybe more.
Have you ever read anything about Haitian vodoun/santeria and the concept of the drummer? The voices are a bit like my drummer. Of course, maybe all this is evidence that I'm shizoid and should be sent straight to the funny farm. Except that I can fake a reality check test pretty well if I have to.
12. Posted by Buck on October 6, 2006
PS: I think you're one of only three people who actually likes my writing, Syl, but For you, anything. I actually have bunches of stuff - I'm just waiting till my parents leave so I can polish it all up again. I will make a point of dedicating the next thing up to you personally, though, just 'cause you rock so much.
And I love your anti spam checker. Love. It.
13. Posted by Buck on October 7, 2006
TravelingMermaid: I think I'd prefer that. I'm tired of having an inner critic.
Buck's new comment 1: I was just teasing about the royal "we." ;-P
In any case, thanks for sharing this. That's some highly personal stuff, and I know for me it's always difficult to confess these sorts of things out into the wide air of the internet and leave them hanging in space. It can leave you feeling a little shaky. So I want to acknowlege that, and y'know, you're not falling on deaf ears and you're all right, man.
Nope, I have not heard anything about the drummer concept. Though, what you describe, were it diagnosable (and I'm NOT saying it is), sounds far closer to multiple personality than schizophrenia. I'm no expert, but from any reading I've done on the topic, it would seem schizophrenics tend not to be very functional, whereas people with MPD develop their various personas specifically TO stay functional. I know one sign of MPD is that the person often can't remember certain spans of time--kind of like a blackout. They can't remember where they were and what they did during certain periods, though they hear from others they did things. But this would be someone who had not "integrated" their personalities to speak to each other. In MPD, the goal is to get the personalities to become aware of the others' existence, and it sounds like you've already got that going on.
Of course, I'm not saying MPD is even relevant to you--it's just a topic I've read a tiny bit about, and I find it interesting, so thought I'd blab about it for a bit. If your voices are more or less in accord, and you're not having any reality check issues, I don't see how it's a problem. More like a party than a problem. But I suppose whether you prefer to be multi-inner-voiced or not is really the only issue.
Buck's new comment 2: I find it hard to believe there are only three people who like your stuff. No need for self-effacement, mister. You know how to turn a phrase.
Anyway, HURRAH! More Buck blogging! I'm glad to hear it.
You know, I've been acknowledged by writers before, but none have ever dedicated something to me. So though you certainly don't have to do that, if you do, it will be another first for me. And I will be highly honored and flattered. As I already am just because you said I rock.
And re the anti-spam thing: The way my life is structured at the moment, comment moderation would be difficult and annoying for me, so this seemed like a good solution. I don't like people to have to wait to see their posts go up, even if I can't answer right away. So, me being the Google queen I am, I found this letter verification plugin for MT online. And Karl, being the coding genius he is, managed to install it for me. So now he knows how to do it and could probably do it for you in two seconds if you like it and want it.
14. Posted by Miss Syl on October 7, 2006
Love the new space! So glad that things worked out for you and the new place looks wonderful. Sounds like you are more than happy with it, and that's what is important. Gottcha all updated on my end beautiful. :)
15. Posted by ArtfulDodger on October 7, 2006
Thanks, Artilicious. So glad you found the new digs. It wouldn't be a party without you. :)
16. Posted by Miss Syl on October 8, 2006