Sexeteria

A sex meme...now there's something I've not seen before. It seems appropriate to do. I got this from Artful Dodger, who got it, as the post title implies, from Madame X. And um...tag, YOU'RE it. Yeah, you.

1) If sex were measured in miles, how far around the globe would your sex life reach?

If we're going by number of partners, we'd not be talking too far. Maybe a couple of days' drive down the coast. Scenic, some thrilling views, but we're not crossing international borders of exotic numbers here. If we're measuring miles from farthest locations in which I've HAD sex, then we're talking more or less the distance spanning from the West Coast of the US to Western Europe.

2) Hot nasty monkey sex with no guarantee of an orgasm or lukewarm white-bread sex with a guaranteed orgasm: which do you chose?
Neither. Hot, nasty human sex with an orgasm, please.

Well, okay, if I'm going to answer the question asked, here's the answer. Since there's no way in hell I'd ever truly orgasm with a partner who was acting "lukewarm," I'll choose the orgasm-less monkey sex. But it ain't a choice I hope I ever have to make.

3) Romance or sex?
Yes.

4) A lover who is physically attractive but lousy in bed or a lover who is OK looking but a powerhouse in bed?
Please. Powerhouse. If I think the guy's a powerhouse in bed, it means I'm attracted to him. And if I'm attracted to him, he's gonna look good to me. I don't find classically beautiful men nearly as sexy as a uniquely attractive ones--and if he's uniquely attractive AND a powerhouse, I'm a very, very happy woman.

5) You are stranded on an Island with your 'dream lover' and one sexual aid. Name the lover and the aid.
My dream lover: I plead the Fifth. But he makes for nice dreams. And I'm keeping 'em all for myself.

The aid: Seeing as if I have my dream lover, I sure as hell don't need any sexual aids, for this one I'll say whatever sexual aid my dream lover would like us to have with us. (But if I have to answer for myself, I'd bring one of those "Thousand and one sexual acts" type books. We can keep track of the days until we're rescued by trying a new sex act from the book every day, until we've folded over the top corner of every single page. And then if we need to, we can work backwards and fold over the bottom corners, too.)

6) Your name is synonymous with a sex act...describe it.
The "Miss Syl" is...that thing you've always been too embarrassed to tell anyone you want. Yes, that thing. You know. Come here to me. That's right. Bring your mouth close to my ear. Close your eyes. Now whisper it to me. No, keep your eyes closed now...and let me do it for you.

7) If prostitution were legal in your locale would you be a patron? A provider?
Probably neither. I've never had the urge to pay for it, or get paid for it. Though if I had to choose one, I've always been curious what it must be like to be a commercial sex worker. But the thought of not getting to pick your partner just grosses me out.

8) Name the person on your link list that you'd,
a) Want to have sex with
b) Want to have dinner with
c) Want to have an argument with
d) Want to raise a child with and why?
a) I plead the Fifth on the grounds that I may incriminate myself.
b) Oh, no contest. Hiromi, a thousand times over. She's my food geek Top-Chef-watchin' soul sister.
c) Karl Elvis. I expect I'd enjoy fighting against him.
d) Hm. Let's make it a Moronosphere clean sweep. I choose Ray, because I love how he talks so adoringly about his kids on his blog and on his Flickr account.

9) How many people does it take to have an orgy?
Answer 1: The same number of people it takes to screw a light bulb into the head of a pin.

Answer 2: According to my dictionary, an orgy is "a wild party, especially one involving heavy drinking and unrestrained sexual activity." So, I'd say if it's me and certain individuals I know, it could take only two people.

10) Do you thank your partner for your orgasm?
Hm. I would, but he's usually moaning so loudly by that point that he wouldn't be able to hear me anyway. I believe action speaks louder than words.

11) What are your true feelings about going commando?
At home, it's preferred. In public, it's an occasional treat, but never when I'm with someone I like. Then it's usually too dangerous a prospect. And I think it's hot when a guy goes commando.

12) Size, does it matter?
Yes. But it depends on the size of both partners. Everyone needs something a little different. But if you're asking me for my opinion, girth is a must have, at least.

13) What is your signature move in the bedroom?
Like I'd give that away to anyone else to use. Then it wouldn't be MY signature move anymore, would it?

Besides, I'm not sure I have just one. You'd have to take a poll of those I've been with to find out what my most popular move is. But no, I'm not giving out names so you can ask 'em.

14) How do you get rid of the pubic hair that gets caught in your throat?
I've never gotten pubic hair caught in my throat. What am I, some kind of amateur? Only pube-phobes don't know how to handle pubic hair smoothly, and to them I say it serves them right for getting pubic hair stuck in their throat.

15) If you could change one sexual thing about yourself what would it be?
I'd eradicate my ability to catch or transmit STDs, so I'd never have to worry about that shit.

Okay, on a more realistic level...not to be snotty, but sexual performance is perhaps the one thing I don't feel I'm lacking too much in. I guess if I could, I'd like to learn how to stay more focused during the 69 position. I tend to start losing my ability to focus on keeping certain things going when certain other things start to get going.