"Tossing the Salad"
And now, back to sex.
Today's topic, boys and girls: eating ass.
First and foremost, the question that really prompted this post and which I really want an answer to, but can find none:
Why the HELL is it called "tossing the salad?"
Other sexual nicknames tend to have some sort of obvious metaphorical quality to them. But this one, I just don't see it. Is the asshole supposed to be some kind of "bowl?" Okay, that's a stretch, but even if so, the metaphor still doesn't hold water, because you need TWO implements to toss something, and you only have one tongue. And "tossing" implies throwing something up in the air and it settling again, and that just isn't even remotely what's going on.
I'm sure I'm probably the only one who this bothers. But it drives me INSANE. What can I say, I'm a writer. Words are not frivolous! You don't just THROW words around. They need to be beautifully crafted. They should be used, ALWAYS, to make people think and see and sense and get friggin' aroused by them in some way or other. It gets me all riled up when people just assign words with no thought or reason to them. So can anyone explain this nickname to me? "Tossing the salad" arouses nothing! Not visually, sensually, intellectually...nothing.
I'd also like to point out that anilingus is a perfectly lovely word, that just rolls off the tongue, and even has a bit of Scottish brogue to it. Say it out loud with me a few times...anilingus....anilingus....aniliiiiingggggus. Ooooh. See? It sounds pretty. AND, conceptually, it makes perfect sense. There's anus, there's tongue, right there in front of you (or right there behind you, if you prefer). You could guess what it meant just by looking at the word. Perfect. Why don't people want to use it?
Of course, I have nothing against a more "clever" nickname. Humor arouses the senses and intellect just fine. But I just want a clever nickname that IS actually clever. It's got to make sense, dammit!
I'm worried now I'm missing something entirely obvious, and someone's going to write in with an explanation about the term that is so basic it's going to make me feel stupid, but, oh well. While I wait for someone out there to enlighten me as to what entirely evident thing I'm missing that makes "tossing the salad" a relevant euphemism, I'd like to suggest some better "clever" nicknames for the act:
- Working in a coal mine
- Bottom feeding
- Moria spelunking
- Seal in the chunnel
- Spacklering the gopher hole (100 points if you get this reference)
Yes, all those were entirely invented by me, so credit me if you use them. Nothing would please me more than to be known as the mother of all "seal in the chunnel" references.
While we're talking nicknames, Wikipedia lists one (via the Urban Dictionary) that I rather like: "The Black Kiss." Mmm. That sounds just lovely--takes all the squeamishness out of the concept. Makes it all romantic sounding, with a touch of evil inserted. Just the way I like it. AND the term makes sense metaphorically and is far more accurate in concept than "tossing a salad."
Now, while we're on the topic, I figure I might as well point you in the direction of some interesting information on the actual activity, and lay out some thoughts and questions of my own related to that. Bum rush (ahem) the cut link below to probe more deeply into all things anilingual.
Now, I'll be honest here: in the past, I've never been much of a backdoor girl. It's not I've never been curious, but oddly it never really came up much. Most of my partners didn't seem particularly interested in playing down that way, even when I asked about it. Which makes me bring up another question: Is it more myth than reality that all men are dying for anal play? That's been my experience overall.
Anyway, that was always more or less fine with me. But you know, things can change. And knowledge is always a good thing in any case. So. While musing over the apparent nonsensicality of the phrase "tossing the salad" and trying to look up its origin, I came across a good overall information site and felt I should share.
Yes, it seems some kind soul (the self-proclaimed "Ass Master") has registered a url and devoted himself entirely to educating others on the fine art of anilingus. I give you toss-my-salad.com, the "gourmet guide to analingus [sic]." Okay, he spelled anilingus wrong in his banner, but don't let that deter you. A lot of valuable, easy to read, and humorously worded advice here. (Obviously, the link is NSFW.)
He includes a lot of important information about potential disease transmission and prevention tips, which will help you going in (heh). Even if you've already been practicing the act, it might not be a bad idea to brush up on these tips. For instance, did you know about the anti-bacterial benefits of a hydrogen peroxide 'n' water mouthwash?
Along with that, he also give a variety of techniques and tips to keep the act interesting, diverse, and at its most intensely pleasurable. Of particular interest to me was his list of suggested positions (suggestions both at that link and throughout other pages of the site, as well). For one, I hadn't imagined up so many on my own. And second, in my opinion, some of them sound so hot they might to make anyone with even some hesitation want to jump in and start trying it. This one, for instance, though complicated, made me want to grab someone and see what it felt like right now. Note: this advice was addressed to a man who wrote in, so that's why it's worded as such.
Lay down on your back, then have her lay down the opposite way, tits up, on top of you. She'll be resting her butt on your face and the back of her head in your crotch. As you bury your tongue in her ass, reach up with both arms and fondle her nipples. Continue squeezing and teasing those nipples while you slather her ass with sweeping circles of your tongue.
Now for the tricky part: Wrap your arms firmly around her stomach and roll over. Resting your weight on your knees, pull her up onto her knees so that her face is on the mattress and her butt is elevated. With your chest pressed against her lower back, drop your face back down between her cheeks and resume eating. As your tongue tantalizes her hole, move your hands up to play with her clit.
Practice the roll-over a few times and you should be able to do it without ever having to remove your tongue from her ass.
Come on, you gotta admit that sounds DAMN hot in concept, even if you're not into anal play. By the way, that suggestion wasn't actually in the positions section, but in the "questions from men" section, related to a question about a position that's would not involve crouching on the man's part.
Okay, so who wants to try that? How about with me? Like, NOW?
The one thing that doesn't make sense to me, however, is that the Ass Master advocates ALWAYS using a barrier for safe salad tossing, such as a dental dam or a cut, unlubricated condom (with lube added to the underside that's touching your partner). Yet, it appears to me that many of his position suggestions make it sound entirely difficult for that barrier to be held down. I mean, just look at the example above. Who's holding down the Dental Dam if he's got his hands on her tits? Is she holding in place with her hands, while spreading her cheeks, as suggested somewhere else on the site (the spreading, not holding the barrier)? That sounds really acrobatic to accomplish. How can one spread one's ass cheeks AND hold a barrier in place? Ideas?
Suggesting one needs to always have a barrier and then suggesting positions that seem difficult to do that in, without explanation as to how to accomplish it, seems a bit irresponsible. I hope he fixes this in future.
So, let us review questions to answer in this post:
1. Why is it called "tossing the salad?"
2. What better nicknames could you invent for the activity?
3. Is the male anal fixation more myth than reality?
4. Who thinks that position described above sounds hot besides me?
5. How does one secure a barrier for safe anilingus considering the complexity of some of the suggested positions?
Answer any or all. And hey...anything else you want to say on the topic? Tips to share? Votes against the activity? For it? Get your tongues wagging on the subject.