Why I Fucken HATE Microsoft, Reason #5,867
The list is endless, but this video review by the New York Times' David Pogue gives the latest reason why EVERYONE should be throwing apples at Bill Gates & Co. every time they step on stage to present some new "innovation." Plus, the video's just really, really amusing (if you're a geek girl like me).
For probably not nearly the last time, people:
Those "cool new features" you're getting with the latest MS operating system?
We Mac people have already had and been using them for years.
What does this have to do with sex, you ask? Simple. Apple is sexy. Its OS comes over with a nice, fresh new bottle of Astroglide, funky toys, and an encyclopedic knowledge of practical pleasure-inducing techniques. And so it never gets stale, it invents some new techniques to please you each time it comes over. It encourages you to play a variety of different roles with it and even to go bi-platform if you're into that. It doesn't mind if you call in some software from the outside to join you in your sessions. It thinks about what YOU like, as a partner, and then gives it back to you just the way you wanted it--sometimes before you even knew you wanted that--so every minute you spend with it is sheer pleasure.
Microsoft is not sexy. Its OS doesn't bother to bring anything when it comes over; it just treats you like shit and tells you you'll never find anyone else out there better than it is, so you'd better just do what it says. It spies on your every move, controls your ability to do things the way you want to, and makes it difficult to talk to other company's software. It freezes up on you just when you need it most. It even tells your friends on the outside how they should act, and threatens them or even maims or suffocates them if they don't comply. It bribes law enforcement to keep quiet when the neighbors call to try to help you when MS's behavior gets really rough. And when it senses that maybe you've wised up and finally have had enough of its abuse, it tries to stroke you by figuring out how Apple fucks and then attempts a lame approximation of Apple's moves, which seems better than nothing, but still kind of leaves you dry. And then, just as you're thinking maybe it isn't so bad, it fucks you up the ass hard without lube, and leaves lots of little bugs and viruses behind for you to clean up.
Screw MS and their unoriginal, monopolistic, robber baron asses. Come into the light, children. All are welcome. All are welcome. And even if you don't want to go Apple (though you should want to), at LEAST go Linux.
Comments (16)
I want to email this to Steve Jobs. I think he'd like it. B^)
1. Posted by Elvis on December 16, 2006
Karl Elvis: You're more than welcome to, if you have the means. And if you do, tell him I'll shake him all night long for a gift set of all the latest Apple swag. And tell him I want to touch that...oooh...sexy new salt-n-pepper beard he's sporting.
Hell, maybe it'll get me a job writing for Apple, which was something I always kind of wished I could do. As you can see, having insisted on using only Apple since childhood, I've grown very fond of expressing myself on their behalf.
Or just pass it around the office if you think it'll give them some joy, and tell them they're all sexy, sexy muthas and I want to lick each and every one of them.
2. Posted by Miss Syl on December 16, 2006
If you haven't seen it, you would probably really enjoy this column by Mark Morford (called "Windows gives no Tongue"):
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2006/07/14/notes071406.DTL&nl=fix
(or: http://ma.gnolia.com/bovobud )
3. Posted by amy on December 16, 2006
Amy: I hadn't seen this article, thanks. But I always did love Mark Morford, and this reminds me why that's the case. Once, years ago, I sent him an email and he wrote back within minutes and offered to bake me cookies. A man who offers to bake me cookies, can wrestle words into submissioni under the force of his dastardly wit, and displays rabid Apple lust...well, all I need now is to know what his tongue skills are like, and if the results are good, I'm in.
4. Posted by Miss Syl on December 16, 2006
I was going to leave a comment, and now I'm distracted by the thought of an article called "windows gives no tongue". I have to go read that--it's uh, research or something.
You're so right, by the way, alas.
best
O
5. Posted by O on December 17, 2006
O: Yeah, I should have given my post a better title, but my bile was freezing up my brain like a Windows environment.
Enjoy the Morford article. If it's your first taste of his writing, I'm sure you'll be back for more.
6. Posted by Miss Syl on December 17, 2006
Meh. I switched to Apple back in September and I'm *still* finding things it can't do. Don't get me wrong -- the hardware is lovely (although there's no #$$%!#$!#$!#$ Page Up or Page Down keys on my $%@#$%!@#T laptop) and the interface is pretty but...
- Unlike any Windows machine I've had since Windows 2000 came out it crashes -- freezes, hangs, becomes unresponsive, requires a hold-down-the-pretty-silver-button-for dies -- at least once a week, sometimes once a day, and has since early September.
- The keyboard interface was designed by arrogant 20-somethings with perfect vision, no physical disabilities, and no inclination to touch type.
- Apple's OS came *very* late to the multi-tasking show and so its multiple-document handling is unnecessarily complex. (Their multiple program interface is visually nicer but they nicked it's task-switching interface from their rival.)
- Fortunately with my Intel-based MacBook Pro I can run Windows with Parallels when I need to, but since that's just a program that takes technology developed years ago by Intel with input from Microsoft years ago, it's not an Apple "innovation."
- Since I do web development it's nice to be able to run Windows, Mac, and Unix systems on the same machine. But since my laptop cost about $2,500 more than a comparable laptop from, say, Dell, for that kind of money I could have bought Mac Mini and a herkin' Linux box and a couple of plane tickets to Hawaii.
Otherwise making the switch is like moving from England to the U.S. or vice versa. Americans drive on the right and while the roads have way more potholes they're used to being able to drive anywhere from Tierra del Fuego to the Arctic Circle. The English drive on the left, have lawns and gardens to die for, and can't imagine why anyone would want anything as un-cozy as central heat.
In other words, it's no more and no less easy to use than Windows. Just different hassles.
figleaf
7. Posted by figleaf on December 19, 2006
Figleaf,
Tired tonight, but some basic quickie geek answers, and a few opinions, with the up front disclaimer that we'll have to agree to disagree:
--Hold down the "fn" and "arrow down" or "arrow up" keys simultaneously to get page up or page down on your MacBook.
--None of my Apples have ever frozen up on me, and I think they're reputed for notable lack of doing so. If yours is doing it a lot, I'd suggest taking it in to the Apple Store for a look, because that's abnormal as far as I understand. You've probably added some extension that is messing with your system, that were you to disable it, would fix things.
--I touch type and have no problem with the laptop keyboard. I've yet to find ANY laptop that is ergonomically sound, but I find my PowerBook keyboard far less awkward than the very shmushed Dell laptop keyboards I often need to work with. (Note: my Powerbook is a 15-incher, so if yours is smaller, I can't speak to that.) Plus, I find the backlit keyboard idea to be ideal for those with "older eyes." No other manufacturer has anything that's easier on the eyes at night.
However, if you are more comfortable with a more traditional, wider keyboard, you can also buy a wireless keyboard as a companion to your laptop and use that instead. I use both options, interchangeably, depending if I'm sitting at my desk or not. If at my desk, I use the wireless keyboard and mouse, and put the laptop up on an iCurve platform, so it's more ergonomically sound than a standard laptop setup.
--Try the Exposé feature for multitasking between documents and programs. I find it extraordinarily easy to use and I like it better than MS's tabbing through documents till you get to the right one.
--I have an older laptop and opted not to put Windows capability on it, so i can't speak to that functionality. But I can say that innovation or no, Apple offers it so different people's workstations and platforms can speak to each other, and Microsoft does not. I think that says something. Even before Apple allowed you to run Windows on it, they made disks, documents, and jump drives readable even if they were initially formatted on a PC with Windows. Microsoft has never done that.
--The joy I get from my Mac, the lack of freezes, the lack of constant patching, the cool software and application options I have on Mac that don't exist on Windows, the lack of manufacturer-sponsored spyware and restrictive applications meant to limit my choices/options, and the user-friendly design and ease of use for me make up for the extra dough you have to invest in an Apple. But as with everything, it's a matter of personal choice. People who grew up in a hardcore computing environment often prefer PCs. As the majority of the world is NOT equipped enough to hack programs or build their own system, I think the majority of the world would be happier with a Mac.
Though, Unix fans are also supporters of the Mac platform, as it is Unix based at the core, so I understand.
8. Posted by Miss Syl on December 20, 2006
I suppose I should avoid getting too sucked in to this discussion, but I just have to say a few things...
- as a long-time unix geek I looooove my mac (and its unix underpinnings -
http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/8098/unixunderpantsph2.jpg );
- it's nice to run into another Mark Morford fan;
- I REALLY hate Microsoft Windows... it makes my brain pan itch;
- for OS X task switching, launching, script triggering, and LOTS more, especially if you are a 'keyboard' rather than 'mouse' person, try Quicksilver or LaunchBar.
9. Posted by amy on December 20, 2006
I'm not sure what it says about me, that the combination of OS X + sex has brought me out from my normal lurker state.
But your comments about Jobs reminded me that I forgot to add this, which I found under the heading 'magazine covers we'd like to see':
http://img150.imageshack.us/img150/6160/pcworldjobsww4.jpg
(heh)
10. Posted by amy on December 20, 2006
Amy-
Girl unix geeks are hot.
11. Posted by Elvis on December 20, 2006
Amy: Karl said it all. Welcome. I'm glad you've un-lurked. Unlurk some more. :)
12. Posted by Miss Syl on December 21, 2006
hey, good to know (re: the unix geekery/hotness correlation).. because I can get pretty geeky.
Anyway, thanks for the welcome.
13. Posted by amy on December 22, 2006
Before y'all run like lemmings to trash Microsoft, ya oughta take a look at these two articles. I'm pretty sure after reading them yer gonna stick with the team that mean quality, security and American pride.
Linux: A European threat to our computers
Apple Computer, The Homosexual’s Favorite
God is Love!
14. Posted by Billy Bob Neck on December 25, 2006
Amy: Come by any time.
Billy Bob Neck: Wouldn't "The Homosexual's [sic] Favorite" be the one that means pride?
By the way, you're brilliant. "Apple Computer, The Homosexuals' Favorite" should SO totally be Apple's next tag line. I mean, I'd buy it just on that quality alone. I've always aspired to lesbianism, but I'm still not able to afford a bi-platform Mac.
And goddamn, if I'd only known Cupertino was "Sodomite Central," I would have tried to get out there a long time ago,
(p.s. for god's sake, get rid of that f'ing annoying doorbell sound that your site makes)
15. Posted by Miss Syl on December 26, 2006
See, I'd have removed billy-bob's links ONLY for that doorbell sound. Being an ignorant fuck is bad enough; pretending to be that ignorant is worse. But the doorbell is too much.
16. Posted by Elvis on December 26, 2006