Sexeteria

I know, where have I been, right? I promised in my last entry a post on New Year's Day, and then no entries for almost a week instead. All these great comments have been rolling in, and I haven't been on to answer. And then AAG linked to me, sending me a huge wave of traffic, and I squandered it by not writing anything new and exciting. Ah, well.

What can I say? I just wanted to be outside for a change. Over the past week I've taken lots of walks, enjoyed our freakish, spring-like weather in the middle of winter, cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and purged clutter and cleaned some more, spoiled myself with special food and film and books in bed, and went out dancing. For the most part, I kept the computer off.

You know what? It felt pretty good. During this week, for the first time in a long time, I've had unfocused patches of unexplainable happiness. As in, nothing was going ON to feel happy about...I just DID. Because. It's hard to recall the last time I felt that way. I'm not sure what to think about that--is it related to not being online so much or not?

Tomorrow, January 7th, is my blog's one-year anniversary. It would, if I were going to stop, be a good, fitting date to do so. But I don't think I will. Somehow I think this blog and I are not quite done with each other yet. So I'll just see where things take us.

Anyway, here is what I meant to write on New Year's day, but really it still works just as well today.

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I'm not one for erasing the past out of memory, but I'm all for looking hopefully forward instead of constantly focusing on what went wrong.

I read a pre-New Year's post on the fabulous Nikki Magennis' blog, where she says of 2006 "I've rarely been so glad to see the back of a year. " I read that line and knew exactly what she meant. And she then said (paraphrasing) that she's not much for New Year's resolutions, but instead was going to make "demands on the universe."

Yes, yes, yes!

Fuck any wishy-washy resolutions. I worked fucking HARD this year. Hard, hard, HARD. And the year before. I focused, and I struggled, and I DID IT. I gave myself up to the universe in frightening ways and came out whole.

I pushed through and I lowered myself down into the muck of my personal deep dark well and then pulled myself up hand over hand and now I've finally gotten my head up above the rim. I'm fucking climbing out this year, and as I step out into the light, I want my payback for my hard work.

If I were a true geek, I'd say I've tossed the ring into Mordor, walked out alive, and now I'm ready for my reward.

I'm not saying I won't have goals, but inventing goals is not my goal this year! No, making demands is my goal this year. I've been missing out, holed up, working and working and working, with no play. Well, I'm ready for my payback, 2007! Do you hear me? I'm ready to say I deserve to demand what I want from life! I deserve to be happy, okay? I'm not ashamed to say it (well, not hardly). Now give it to me!

My list of demands for 2007 are as follows.

The upcoming year must be full of:

-- New, cool, interesting LOCAL friends whose company I thoroughly enjoy in every way and vice versa (I can keep/make long-distance ones, too, but not only and they shouldn't be the majority percentage.)

-- Lots and lots and lots and LOTS of laughter. So much that I start forgetting that I've been missing it.

-- Ditto on REAL embraces and other signs of affection

-- Passionate interest.

-- Doing what I want and what I love and what brings me joy, and not worrying about if it's practical.

-- Giving up what's practical and just being me.

-- Figuring out WHAT just being me and doing what I want means EXACTLY (or at least being well on the path to such)

-- Unabashed eccentricity

-- Re-ignited, blazing creativity branching in every direction

-- The time, energy, and focus to indulge said reignited, blazing creativity

-- Getting my fiction published--in a publication that will get me more interest. One story required this year, but more preferred.

-- Becoming comfortable with and feeling utter, unconditional love for and acceptance of my body and my appearance

-- A continued growth into comfort for and love for my self

-- A banishment of all feelings of shame

--An acceptance of my needs as good and legitimate

-- The ability to assert my needs without feeling selfish

-- The ability to no longer care or act based upon what people might think

-- The strength to step away from others' anger rather than to absorb and obsess over it and feel responsible for alleviating it

-- More unattributable, just-because feelings of happiness. A lot more.

-- Dancing. Lots and lots and LOTS of dancing. Not alone.

-- Gypsy passion

-- Lustiness

-- At least one declaration of desire, admiration, and/or love from a highly pleasing, available suitor--who hopefully demonstrates gypsy passion and lustiness of his own, and who I love spending time with and talking to. More than one declaration from more than one corner is highly preferred.

--Some really great sex courtesy of the above. And spoiling, and holding, and going out of one's way just for the delight of seeing me pleased and spending time in my company. I want fuss and attention. Big time. And did I say lots of great sex?

-- Money. I want to come into (legally) a lot of money, so I have some freedom to make decisions I don't feel entirely free to make without it.

-- I want freedom. I want, regardless of what I do, to feel free every. single. day.

And I'll repeat:

-- Gypsy passion

-- Lustiness

-- Freedom

And again:

-- Gypsy passion

-- Lustiness

-- Freedom

-- And light. Sparkling, beams, glows, radiance, all of it.

-- And colors. Colors in everything. In all the above, and in everything else. In my hair. Everywhere.

In short, 2007, I want--no, I demand--my life to feel like this this year (play it loud, people. dance!)

Or, for a lower quality version, click play below.

Bring it on, 2007! Shower me with it. I'm ready.