Sexeteria

There's a song stuck in my head. And you've been wondering where I've been.

Or maybe the second half isn't true. Maybe you weren't wondering at all. But the first part IS true...there's been a song stuck in my head all day.

So, first, in case anyone was wondering, the story of the second part. And then a story of the first part.

Part the second: Where I've been. Life got weird. There was an accident, and a major endeavor to be undertaken and resolved as a result of it, and a trip far away, and also on the heels of all this, a computer issue that has led me to be unable to blog about any of it. The computer issue continues...I've found a brief moment of stolen computer time in which to post this, but I'm not sure how long it will be before the next time I can do so. I've put out an SOS and help is on the way that, once received, will resolve it. But said assistance has been slower to arrive than expected, and so I must wait, as must you, unfortunately. (Oh, and regarding the accident, I am okay now, so don't worry. No major bodily damage to myself.)

And now part the first. Told as a fairy tale.

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Once upon a time, there was a girl standing alone on the deck of a ferry, with wind blowing her dark hair all around her face. The sun was bright in the unusually blue sky, and the sky cascaded toward a shelf of distant white cliffs which in turn plunged down into the ocean.

She was coming home, after having travelled to many far-away cities.

It had been a very long journey, and it was extremely early in the morning, and the girl was tired. But she stood on the deck instead of going inside to sleep. She wanted to feel the air against her skin and watch the cliffs grow closer. It was the first time she'd ever seen them. And she knew it might be the last time. Because though in her head she was coming home, in truth, she had to leave only shortly after she got there, for the paper home she'd never really been cut out for.

She watched the cliffs get closer. She thought about the dark city she'd be returning to, only to leave two weeks later. The love affair still seethingly alive there, yet also already so far behind her. About how in only days, everything she'd come to know as hers, everything she'd given her heart to, would be gone. Far behind her, fading slowly away. And ahead of her...blankness. She couldn't say. There was nothing she knew she wanted there. She'd just have to wait and see.

And as she stood there in the wind and sunlight, the spray from the ocean touching its cold fingers against her face, the girl watched the cliffs approach, white and blank and treacherous as the future ahead of her. I need this moment, the girl thought. I need to feel it. Need to remember it, hold on to it, before it's all gone. And so she put her headphones on her ears, and she hit play. And this song filled her.

She felt it. The sadness, the loveliness of it. Of one moment and then leaving, yet not leaving. I'll remember this the rest of my life, she thought. She knew this. And then she thought...I wish this song was about me. I wish someone would feel like this about me. And she thought, I wish I felt like this about someone or something.

The girl is older now. Since that time, some of her wishes have come true. And some days she is glad that girl on the deck got what she hoped for. And some days she wishes she'd never heard that song.