Consider Phlebas
April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
It has not been the best week for me. Among other things, I found out that a very young friend of mine--someone healthy, energetic, and just starting out in adult life--had walked into the doctor's office with a minor complaint and walked out with a body riddled with cancer. And not just cancer, but cancer at such an advanced stage, and of a type so atypical for her age, that it was shocking even to the doctors.
Imagine it. In a split second, how everything changes. She walked in a happy, presumably healthy person with a long future ahead of her, with all kinds of plans for career, family, friends, love, adventure, etc. All the many things she was hoping for and waiting for. Dreaming of. Now all those things are gone; pushed aside and replaced with only one goal, one dream--survival. Survival, despite very slim chances.
I don't know what I want to say about this exactly.
We're all saying, "It's tragic...someone so young!" We're shocked.
But really, I suppose what I'm saying is it's always tragic, no matter what the age, when that moment hits and we have to put all dreams aside. Especially if there are many, many dreams we end up having to put aside, because we never got around to them. And once we put them aside to fight for our lives, well, we we may not get a second chance to get them back.
And tomorrow it could be me. Tomorrow it could be you.
I guess that's what I'm saying. Don't wait. Whatever you're dreaming about, don't wait. Because there is limited time and tomorrow it may be you innocently walking into that doctor's office and walking out with your dreams permanently cancelled. It could easily be you, even if you feel great today. Even if it seems like you have lots and lots of time ahead of you.
That's what I'm saying. Live fully, love without boundary, demand what you want, accept nothing less. Do it now. Don't wait.
And if you don't know what you want, figure it out. Now.
That's what I'm saying. It's been said before, but it's important.
It's slipping away. There is no "next year" or "we'll see" or "maybe, sometime, later." There is only today. There is no later. Later is too late.
That's what I'm saying. If you want it, do it now.
Comments (9)
Growing up around such tragedy the way I did, I learned early on how precious life truly is. I'd like to say I've always lived my life that way, but the truth is we often don't. But I have taken risks and recently started to try and build a new life based on what I want and not what has been given me. For truly, none of knows what tomorrow will bring. As a wise someone once said, live every day as if it is your last, and one day you'll be right.
1. Posted by ArtfulDodger on April 8, 2007
A-fucking-men. No voluntary deferrals of dreams.
2. Posted by Hiromi on April 8, 2007
Wow. I don't even know what to say, but I felt the need to say something. Thanks for the reminder. I'm not a religious person, but I'll be keeping your friend (and you, too) in my thoughts.
3. Posted by Amanda on April 9, 2007
This line helps me at times:
'What has not been done
has not been done.
Let it be.'
Thinking of you.
Nx
4. Posted by nikki on April 10, 2007
A very close friend of mine had a similar experience. The end of the story: three weeks later he was dead.
I had not had anyone so close to me die before. It really knocked me out of commission for a while; actually, I'm still depressed. So with that disclaimer:
I think that humans really have trouble processing that consciousness doesn't continue after death. Almost by definition, we can't imagine not being conscious. (this explains a lot about the need to construct religious frameworks).
That's why it's hard for us to fully process that once we're dead, it doesn't matter at all whether or not our dreams (or anything else) are achieved. If your friend dies too (and I hope she's not reading this), you and her other friends will care that she died young. You will be devastated, she will no longer exist to care. Perhaps if we could better understand that, it would lessen the course of our grief.
I think that efforts to achieve recognition or career prestige (not to mention the drive to have kids) usually are due to attempts to avoid full recognition of our own mortality.
It's not clear what does matter at all except love and time-- and once we're dead even those don't matter either. Perhaps about all we can do is try to be aware of each moment as it comes along- and try to be kind to each other.
5. Posted by Anonymous on April 10, 2007
i wrote a post just before christmas that touches on this. it changes everyone. sometimes for the better sometimes not.
thanks for sharing.
sss
6. Posted by sweat shop sissy on April 11, 2007
a beautiful post...and very true. how often we forget to grab life and live it as we should, without fear, without boundaries.
7. Posted by april on April 11, 2007
This May 2nd will be the first anniversary of my Wife's first seizure, and the discovery of her brain tumor. She lived another four months and three days.
Life is indeed too fucking short.
This May 2nd I will also being flying to Australia to meet a fellow blogger who invited me to visit her. Who knows what may happen? I do know I'm doing, and not putting off anymore. Seize every day, opportunity, and chance...
8. Posted by Fusion on April 12, 2007
Anonymous: I am very sorry to hear about your friend. And re your last line, yes, I thnk that's what it's all about.
SSS: And thank you for commenting. :)
april: Thank you. YOU are certainly not the cruelest month. :)
Fusion: Australia! How exciting! I wish ever hope you have for the trip to be realized, and then some. Post photos on the blog!
9. Posted by Miss Syl on April 12, 2007