Sexeteria

Huh. Now that you mention it, I've done the same things. If someone truly sucked at all the stuff leading up to, then we usually never really make it past that point. But even if, I usually don't mention it. But how do we know if we suck? I guess you can't know for sure, 100%, but eventually it has to be obvious, especially when they keep coming back for more, in fact demanding it again and again and again. Would they do that if we sucked? I don't think so. Unless they're weird... huh.

I could never tell someone they were bad in bed cuz, really, if he tries, it counts. I just don't say anything. If I tell a man he's good, it's cuz he's GOOD! If I elaborate, then believe it, man!
On the other hand, I can't say I believe anyone saying I'm good or great cuz I think men just basically say what they thinkk you want to hear. Even tho I KNOW I'm pretty great.
And when they say "you're beautiful" , I'm like....get outa here! What a crock.
Trust issues? Yeah.

Yeah, I've never said anyone was bad at anything either. It seems mean and ungrateful. Does saying nothing necessarily mean someone's bad though?

Ugh Syl, did you have to bring this subject up at the cusp of my first sexual experience in 8 years?? With only the second partner ever??

Thanks so much! ;)
(was that sarcastic enough?)

How do I tell for sure?

my opinion - You don't. There are things we all need to accept we won't ever know. There's no yardstick, no scale, no certainty.

This is where one needs to be happy with a consensus, or the most un-scientific opinion polls; everyone seems to have a good time, let's assume I'm doing it right.

It's the old 'do these pants make my ass look big' question; there's no right answer, there's no way to not answer, and the question is meaningless. It is the no-win-situation and you're better not asking because there's no answer that works.

Myself, i trust my ability to evaluate feedback. You want to do it again? it was ok. You tell me "that was nice", it was just that, nice. You tell me it was the best you ever had, I take it with a grain of salt and figure, that means it didn't suck.

The hard one is when people don't say anything; because the instinct is they can't think of something good to say. But that ain't always true, sometimes they just ain't comfortable talking about it.

This is an area where some arrogance is the healthiest course; at some point you just have to say, 'of course I'm good, why worry about it'. because, frankly, people who care enough to worry about being good, generally are.

And honey? a blad blow job is better than none. Always. B^)

This settles it. I'm never.having.sex.again.

How did YOU respond to people who you thought were bad?

How did I respond?

Contacts - > find contact -> delete

You know, some things just can't be tolerated. B^)

How did YOU respond to people who you thought were bad?

Me? I viciously blog about them.

(A-hem.)

Circe wins. Game over.

I just figure I'm bad in bed as a matter of course. I'm really lazy :p But I do take note when my partners tell me that some technique or another has "improved" -- which doesn't necessarily mean that it was BAD, per se, but it's nice to know that improvement happens.

I don't usually specifically tell partners if they're doing something wrong. I figure a blank stare's good enough.

I don't think I'm very good in bed during a first encounter. And I usually know it. And so does the woman. Being married has certainly helped, mostly because you are forced to actually learn what to do with a woman's body. Thank God for an understanding wife. And yes, I don't mind being told about it, if done in good spirits. How are you going to learn what she likes? I try to always have fun, and usually things turn out OK. If I were dating someone, I would hope that she wouldn't refuse to see me again because of a not-perfect first time. I take a long time to warm up to someone, and I don't see how anyone can really "understand" another person in the bedroom during the first time you see them naked. It's a little awkward and I know I'm always a bit nervous.

If it's going to be more than a one-nighter, you gotta say something. If he/she really stinks, you aren't going to have a second time. But otherwise, coaching is in order and should be welcomed as long as you provide it with sensitivity.

I refused to sleep with one of my first boyfriends because he was a terrible kisser. Not just bad - terrible. Like mushing your teeth together kind of terrible kissing. In terms of other lovers, I almost always have to say, "Not so hard" when they touch me or go down on me. I'm wondering if I'm more sensitive than other women, or if they just put up with the not-so-gentle touch on the delicate parts?

In any event, I don't put up with bad sex. Either I do what I can to make it better, or I run for the hills.

One person had the "balls" to tell me that I used to suck at something. After he had the presumption to tell me that HE had taught me everything and I was so much better than I used to be and just great now. He's like that... Of course- he kept coming back for more, and I was all he had. Nobody else had ever complained. Just Mr. Perfect.

The real question that you did not ask... What do you do when sex used to be so much better and then over time starts to suck...

The real question that you did not ask... What do you do when sex used to be so much better and then over time starts to suck

You take up cheating or cheesecake of course.

How did I respond to some I thought was bad in bed?

Well, like most people...I've had really good sex and really bad sex. Generally speaking, I was pretty polite with those I found not so good in the sack. Except one time. I swear, I am not a mean person! I still feel a little low when I think back at my reaction. :S

My first one night stand was extremely bad. It seemed like a good idea at the time - he had a British accent, a lot of charm (at first), and very intriguing features. The accent did it though.

We had sex. It was awful. The whole time, I was thinking - "Is this it?". It barely felt like he was stimulating me. The foreplay was kind of fun...but the sex itself was a complete waste of time. I suppose I expected something fun for my first one night stand - something sexy and spur of the moment. It was far from that.

In the morning, he kept bugging me for another round of sex. I said no over and over. He told me how much "fun" he had, trying his hardest to convince me. I ended up yelling at him, snapping my fingers and pointing to his pants on the floor, "Put on your fucking pants and get the hell out! I'm NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU AGAIN! You're disgusting!". Yes, that was a little harsh but he just wasn't so charming after that. Clearly, neither was I. Maybe I needed some coffee, haha.

Afterwards, he called me up to take me out on a "real date". It was actually lovely until he found a worm on the ground and proceeded to place the worm on my chest. I didn't feel so bad yelling at him after that.

so i asked ♀ about this. she said that she didn't like the way i kissed when we first met (and she told me so, almost right away), but she loved how i fucked right from the start.
i think it's different for guys; unless it was truly awful, the best sex is the most recent sex.
cheers,
sss

I've never been told I was bad in bed. I've been told certain things I did weren't enjoyed ("not so much...teeth" crops up here and there). I've had bad-in-bed people. I've never told anyone "You know, you're bad in bed" and the reason I've never told anyone that is that the ones who were bad in bed typically learned very quickly with me how to be at least mediocre before I let them go on their merry way. And I did it in a nice way: "You know, why don't you try something and I'll try something and we'll just explore and see what works for each other". Out of the ones who had little to no clue, only Idiot never got that clue.
And no. I didn't tell him he was bad in bed. His answer would have been 'My new girlfriend likes it'.

I've come back here quite a few times, and I've been thinking, and what I've come to is this: No one is ever bad in bed. It is in fact impossible to be bad in Bed. A quick perusal of Dan Savage's column on cunnilingus will confirm this. What people can be is incompatible for each other.

Some people's styles just do not connect, and it's like putting a round peg into a square hole. That probably wasn't the most apt metaphor I could come up with.

According to my theory, Bad sex is sex between people who don't have any sexual chemistry together at all, and keep going anyway, not realising how bad it is until way too late. This is all just a theory; I've never had sex with anyone ever and not enjoyed it, which brings me back to your original question (I can't answer you. It's never come up). LIkewise, I've only ever recieved (sometimes effusive) compliments from my sexual partners. I suspect these two things have a lot to do with each other, but again that's just a theory.

a bad blow job is better than no blow job at all

No way. If you can't do it right than don't do it at all. Feh.

i guess if you get told by lots of people that you're good then there isn't much of a reason to doubt that you are.

it's hard to tell those who are bad in bed that they're, you know, bad. if we hooked up as friends after that,
i might tell him.

what i did was well, just not say anything.haha
except to the next guy who was brilliant and didn't think so.
ie; "i know what bad feels like, trust me, this is quite the opposite"

I've never told guys they were bad in bed because they never have been bad. Maybe something they did during the whole experience didn't feel good.

If it's something that can be changed, I most certainly tell them what I PREFER or how I WOULD LIKE IT. Something like that.

Penis size, shape, etc. Those things can't change without some surgery... so I too just stop going back for more.

Hrm.....when your partner (especially female) is having obvious aftershocks, you've won.

When there are obviously involuntary shudders and jerking around, you've won.

For the other (male) side, if your partner is sleeping blissfully shortly afterward, you've probably done very well by him. I'm an insomniac, but when my lovely lady gives me a particularly rousing session, it's better than any sleeping medication I've ever tried.

Otherwise, of course, you do indeed have causes for concern. You should listen to Violet Blue's "Open Source Sex" podcast, or buy a couple of her books. Or, ask a stripper and/or "sex worker"....they're always good for pointers. :)

And as Miss Syl noted, "ongoing education" makes all the difference between a long-term, enjoyable sex life for both parties, and a stagnating relationship based on mutual feelings of obligation, which is never a good indicator of a long-term healthy relationship.

Also, when your partner is constantly bugging you for more and more nookie....you're obviously doing something right.

On the other hand, when your partner is willing to forego quality time for comparatively useless/silly/banal "commitments"....it's time to start cracking some books and seeing what you can do to spice things up. :)