Sexeteria

I think sometimes we higher primates get so tied up in our wondrous cognitive abilities that we forget the basics. When in truth, we'd do better to remember nothing else matters as much as the basics.

Relationships are complex. And in the complexity that can develop, one can lose oneself and what one really needs at the basic level. And when that happens, one's course gets lost, and one finds oneself on a path mired in sticky webs of diversion, until you're coated in them and can barely move. And then you're so busy trying to fight off your constrictions that you lose all sight of why you were making the journey in the first place.

Or in short, one loses one's basic needs.

I'm sorry I keep letting myself forget my basics. I'm sorry I keep letting myself accept being asked to forgo them, or to accept substitutes.

I don't want much. In relationships, there is really only one basic thing I'm looking for. Otis covered it a long time ago, and he got it right:

Tenderness. Openly expressed. This is and was all I've ever wanted from anyone, at any level, and most especially my lovers. To be held and valued and loved, and told I am so, daily. It ain't hard; it costs nothing to give. And yet, I've not been with many who gave it entirely freely and willingly.

I make a vow with myself from today forward not to forget this basic of mine ever again. From now on, if my basic need is not present or openly given, I will declare it not for me and I will move on. I won't beg or humiliate myself for it anymore. I won't stay, hoping it will change or that the person will suddenly, miraculously wake up and realize what they've got in me.

I deserve more than that. I won't punish myself like that anymore; and I won't let anyone else punish me like that anymore.

From now on, anyone who doesn't have Otis's credo in his heart doesn't get to have me.

Because, really, who doesn't deserve a little tenderness?