Sexeteria

Some people may be looking for some distractions from the standard Valentine's-Day-Week mush...well, here's a little something for everyone to play. And if it helps anyone, whether single or attached, to be able to keep a positive outlook on things this week, all the better.

So, since I'm on the topic of old boyfriends...

It occurred to me this week that despite how nicely or nastily each of my more serious relationships ended, ultimately there were things I carried away from each that I would absolutely count as accrued benefit.

Now, ideally everyone walks away from a failed coupling a little wiser or a little clearer on what they want and don't want in a future relationship, so I'm not talking that kind of emotional growth benefit here. And I'm not talking about the accrued benefit of new sexual tricks learned in each different relationship, either. I'm talking about the little, seemingly insignificant-at-the-time things you end up learning or inheriting from your exes that ultimately have contributed to you becoming a more well-rounded, better equipped, more comfortable, or even more talented, person on this earth. Some of these things might be more intangible/conceptual, like a love of a musical genre or an understanding of a scientific theory, but some might be actual tangible things, like your favorite shirt, a well-played CD, an amazing camping tent, whatever.

For instance, here is a quick short-list of some of the "compound interest" I've gained from past boyfriends of greater significance to me:*

J: A deeper and wider understanding of US politics. An entree into the world of realist graphic novelists.

H: A more highly-refined knowledge of British comedy.

K: A beginner's knowledge of how to play the bass guitar (since forgotten; so not sure this still counts)

M: Loads of computer, internet, and software geekery and tricks. An introduction to understanding the worlds of firearms and science fiction films and lit.

L: A first-hand tutelage on the history of punk. An introduction to the worlds of Spalding Gray/performance art and Jim Thompson/pulp fiction.

P: Stuff about surfing and snowboarding and fancy cars (though to be honest, I didn't care about knowing much about any of these, but the knowledge sunk in due to exposure anyway).

M: An appreciation for opera. Falling in love with Dostoyevski (after a bad high school experience). A primer in Marx and social democracy. My first (and still only) dog-eared copy of The Manifesto of the Communist Party. How to plug in to a more global political knowledge base.

G: Knowledge of how to recognize plants our in the wild. Medicinal and culinary use of herbs. Two kick-ass chef knives. A world-class Swedish pancake recipe. A knowledge of how to cook fish well (and the recognition that I actually LIKED fish, for that matter). How to cook everything else better. How to hike and be "outdoorsy." A whetting of my appetite to learning more about Native American spiritual and political issues. My favorite (commandeered) white men's undershirt to sleep in (now RIP).

C: The understanding that paths don't have to define people. And that nothing bad happens when your path is other than normally prescribed/expected. That one could be different casually and comfortably, without it being any kind of big deal issue or statement.

That's a lot of cool stuff, all of which I feel in one way or another has benefitted me well beyond the relationship's end. Some of these things I was curious about already, but I'm not sure I'd have gotten around to exploring any of them so deeply on my own without having the ex there at the time to provide material and spur my interest on. And some things I doubt I would have ever looked into or used on my own, and having done so as a result of direct contact with my ex, I feel I'm the better for it.

So what treasure have you accrued as a result of trashed relationships? Gimme me your list.

You can answer in the comments, or if you'd like to meme it on your own blog, gimme a link back to it in my comments so I can go read it.

*"Greater significance" meaning I'm only counting those I think of as having had a real emotional, sexual, and/or friendship connection with. I'm not including people I just casually dated. Also, the exes are not listed in any set time order, and initials are not necessarily based on actual names, just to keep things anonymous.

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photo credit: what else do you do with an old boyfriends pair of jeans?? by justbeyou