Why empahsize the sex focus at all? Growing up, I was raised to have frank and open discussions about sexuality. As I got older, I realized how unusual an experience that was for most people. I've always been surprised, and a little saddened, by how shocked, and then relieved, and even grateful people are when they realize they can have a frank, open discussion about sex, without having to feel shame or embarrassment. I hate to think of how many people have lived their lives feeling isolated, unable to open up on the topic for fear of being shut down or ridiculed. So I wanted to create a comfortable environment where people can have these conversations in an open, respectful way.

Now, why "sexeteria" you ask?

In trying to figure out a name for this blog that would give an instant mental image of what it was about, I ran through a number of more obvious names, and they all just seemed too obvious or pompously titillating. And that wasn't the vibe I wanted. Sex can be serious, and smoldering, but it can also be friendly, and sometimes funny, too. I wanted the name to cover all the bases. I wanted to evoke a comfortable place where people could sit down, like they would with a good friend they trust, and talk comfortably about sex and sexuality without being embarrassed. A place where they could also have fun with the topic, too; as well as keep up-to-date with, share, and gossip about the latest news, entertainment, and other info on the topic.

So, I wanted to provide a smorgasbord of sex talk, if you will. But "smorgasbord" is not a particularly sexy word. So that was out.

And then, I remembered my favorite quote ever from The Simpsons, courtesy of Mr. H. Simpson himself: "Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania' or 'teria.'"

And--voilà!--my little piece of the blogosphere was born.

So, the Sexeteria. Come on in, grab a tray, check out the buffet, and choose what most whets your appetite and interest. I'm cooking up some treats just for you, honey. And because you're special, there's no charge--except that you join us at the table after you've and share your thoughts in a good, mind-stimulating group conversation. (For the rules of respectful posting, please click here.)

Dig in!

Miss Syl.

[Update: I've since discovered that the makers of The Simpsons actually used the word "Sexeteria" in their second animated show, Futurama. I always knew Matt Groening and I were soulmates, since way back in the "Life in Hell" days.

1. Get in line
   This is not a porn or cyber sex chat site. It's a place for clever people who are interested in sex and sexuality to talk, debate, and laugh about issues that interest them.
2. Enjoy your meal
   I'm going to talk about sex. And obviously, I'm a woman, so it'll be from a woman's point of view. I'll bring you news, debate, opinion, my and others' reviews of books, toys, video, whatever strikes my fancy.
3. Speak up, honey
   The crowd is noisy, but the lunch lady o' sex wants to hear your opinions, musings, what have you. Give good comment.
4. No food fights
   Miss Syl don't cook up no hate in her kitchen. If you start flinging yours around, it's detention for you, young man/lady/shemale.
5. Lunch is served to everyone
   The sexeteria serves people of every background, gender, and orientation. Come on in. Ahem.
6. Tips are accepted
   Saw an article you think I should check out? A site that's cool, funny, informative? A book, toy, video, or what have you that your company would like me to check out? I'm game. Write to me at the email in my profile. While I can't promise you I'll feature it, I'm always open to new ideas.
   
   And of course, posted comments or emails filled with slavish praise and admiration are always welcome with open...arms.

Also, please read this "Blogger's Disclaimer".

Also, also, please note:

All content in the weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs2.5 License.

He presented it to me all wrapped up. And when I opened the box, it was...

...The ugliest f'ing thing I'd ever seen in my life.

I so wanted to be able to show you a photo of the exact model of this disaster of design, but I just spent a half an hour scouring sex toy sites trying to track it down and I can't find it anywhere. I don't know the brand name anymore because I have since gotten rid of it. The closest idea I can give you of what it looked like is a caucasian-flesh-toned version of this:

Yes, that's right. He gave me what looked suspiciously like a penis covered in genital warts. It's kind of like you suggesting your boyfriend buy you something sexy that he'd like to see you wearing and he comes back with one of those yellow bio-hazard suits. Talk about a mood kill.

Now, TECHNICALLY, the thing was perfectly functional. It could achieve its intended purpose. But in all honesty, it always took me way longer to get to that intended purpose with that ugly-ass thing, because just looking at it always grossed me out. But it was a gift, and you don't want to be mean spirited and look a gift vibe in the...okay, well, I can't really think of a good pun here.

But in any case, it got me thinking about form and function in the vibe category. And let's face it, while we all of us, men and women alike, probably appreciate the function just fine on many, many different types of these handy gadgets, you've got to wonder what vibe manufacturers are thinking about in terms of form.

[And by the way, I want to meet the girl/guy who gets to say "I am a vibrator designer" when people ask her/him what she/he does for a living.]

I mean, who is behind some of these ideas? Let's have a look, shall we? (Note: links are NOT safe for work)

• First we have the "vibe that I'm too embarrassed to admit IS a vibe" vibe (VTITETAIAVV).
  For instance, a vibrator that looks like a tube of lipstick. No offense to whomever designed this, but honestly, ladies: When was the last time you looked at a REAL tube of lipstick and said, "That is so damn HOT; I NEED that in my hoo-hoo right NOW?" And along with that, I know this scenario has got to have happened more than a few times: someone gets a little drunk, the hotel room is dark...fumbling and overcome with desire, she grabs the wrong tube from her suitcase and...messy, messy situation, people.
• Next, we have a close cousin to the VTITETAIAVV, the "I secretly want to do an animal" vibe.
  In this category, designers apparently assume we're going to get turned on by dolphins, majorly freaky-lookin' letch penguins, and poisonous cobras. Okay, so aside from the one exception who probably works for the Jim Rose Sideshow, I'm pretty damn sure I know the reaction that any man would have if I were to say, "Hey, how would you feel about sitting there while I aim a cobra at your unprotected penis?" I'm predicting you're NOT going to get an uplifting response, if you catch my drift; which I know you do.
• Lest we forget, there is also the the frighteningly realistic-looking "serial killer amputated body part" vibe! Woo hoo!
  These little (and not so little) beauties would give any aspiring Jeff of Josephine Dahmer plenty of hot times!
• And we'd be remiss not to mention the "wtf?!?" category before we conclude.
  Because everyone wants a vibe that looks like a Maglite flashlight, a radioactive penis, or a...um...wierd sea-anemone-crossed-with-cactus-thingie inside them, right?

Okay, so I'm poking a little fun. If a lecherous penguin gets you off, more power to you. And yes, I know different styles of vibrators are meant to stimulate in different ways AND that sex doesn't always have to be dead serious, some people want some humor mixed in. But really, you've got to wonder why great function can't meet great design in this arena. It is a SEX toy. Let's make them SEXY. Couldn't the people who design Macs or...I don't know...the Guggenheim...design your sex toys instead of what seems to be the people who design Beanie Babies or artificial limbs? Sooo not sexy.

In my estimation, it's all about the shame. People are afraid to stand out in the open and say, hey, I use a vibrator. Please, let's get over it. Why not just admit you're using the damn thing just like EVERYONE ELSE on earth (all of whom are also covering it up) and then we'll be able to start getting less libido-squelching designs. Maybe you'll start to get more things that are all sleek and sophisticated and mod, like this.

Not a sermon, just a thought.

You can buy the "Nimrod" and "Main Vein" for the price of about two high-end vibrators. Everything else is pretty expensive. Check out the exhibit site to see more at The Penis Project.

Make sure you check out the title of each piece. Those are priceless.

Thanks to Daze Reader for the original mention.

Which makes you realize something odd's going on here. There's lots of sex going on in mainstream cinema, but when we're talking serious orgasm moments (as opposed to jokey ones), it seems they turn the mike up on the females and turn it OFF on the males. What's up with that? Can you name five good, realistic male orgasms on the mainstream screen? (And I'm not talking obscure indie here, because yes, I know, "The Brown Bunny," Gregg Araki, blah blah blah. No, I mean the big money stuff people OTHER than us indie freaks go to see.

If you can think of a good, mainstream male orgasm example, post it here.

Although, hm, that orgasm in King Kong was impressive.

Don't get me wrong, it was a fine piece of film making. And the actors were nice eye candy. But why do people think it's the uber-sexy film of all time? Was anyone actually watching during the sex scenes that were in that movie? Sure, they hinted at a threesome, but you never saw that. And the two sex scenes that you DID see were both awful, bumbling first-sex attempts by the two virginal young men, and the filmmaker shows that they orgasmed so fast that the woman didn't even get any satisfaction.

One of the things that I find especially funny is that so many macho straight man types say the film is really sexy, when in fact the only really sensual moment is when all three of them are dancing together and then the woman gets the two men to kiss. After the fade out, they wake up and she's not even around. So, WAS it a threesome? We don't really know. And while certainly, if they were able to manage to overcome the premature ejaculation thing with each other, I'm certain they had a nice, sexy time together, it definitely makes you wonder what straight guys are referring to in the film as being hot. Is there some secret, Brokeback Mountain thing going on inside all men, hmmmm? Or maybe they find the whole wham-bam, leave the chick unsatisfied thing sexy. But based on the men I've known, I doubt most men would feel good about that.

Anyway, PLEASE. Let's get over this film already. Everyone can stick to the other two common standards these days instead: Secretary and Amelie. Which at least were more legitimately sexy than Y Tu Mama.

What would be your vote for best on-screen sex (porn excepted)?

Some that I thought were notable that you don't hear about much (though I also liked Secretary, but everyone says that):

Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham in Two Girls and a Guy
David Wenham and Susie Porter in Better than Sex (all of it's good, but I liked the bathtub scene the best)
And a good "sex that wasn't sex scene": The conversation in the car/parking garage in Laurel Canyon

Tell me yours.

But more than any of the above I crave oysters. Just the thought of those soft, cold, wet, salty things sliding down my throat sends me to my knees. The mere mention of them, even a passing reference, and I'm instantly craving. I'm craving them now, just writing to you about them. God, first person to offer to take me out for oysters gets...hmmm, to listen to me make some verrry appreciative noises, how about that?

Of course, there's a lot of debate about whether aphrodisiacs really have any effect at all, or if it's simply the power of suggestion. But it seems an interesting coincidence to me at least that I have a healthy libido and a pretty healthy craving for just about every stated aphrodisiacal kind of food out there. And many of them I had a solid love for long before I was old enough to know what the word "aphrodisiac" meant.

It would be an interesting experiment to hear from others out there and see if their sex drives, high, medium, or low, match with the amount of aphrodisiacs they crave.

Also, any votes for foods that ought to be placed on the aphrodisiac list that aren't commonly? I might vote for cashews, and maybe chanterelle and/or morel mushrooms. Mmmm, in fact, why not slice all three of those up, sautee them all together with a little butter and sherry, and slowly drizzle the mixture on...

I'll let you imagine the rest.

• Kate Winslet and Jim Carey in bed under the blanket in that gorgeously emotional scene in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• The four-Monkees-on-one-girl scene at the beginning of "Head" (come on, you KNOW you'd wanna see it)
• Mae West and Cary Grant in "She Done Him Wrong"
• The threesome in the pool or in the hotel bedroom (either/or/both) in "Laurel Canyon"
• Not a movie, but still: In "Six Feet Under," the scene between Nate and Lisa in the woods where he tells her in great detail what he's about to do to her, before he starts to do it--mm, mm, mm, perfectly crafted dirty-talk scene
• Really didn't like this movie, but I still would have liked to see Colin Firth act on that one moment at the end of "Bridget Jone's Diary" where he's just gotten into her flat and it looks like it's all he can do to keep from ripping her clothes off. Good acting, there, Colin. I'd have let you.
• The infamous cutting-room floor scene between the Sleaze Sisters in my favorite grrl cult film of all time, "Times Square"
• Darryl Hannah and Aidann Quinn in "Reckless" (did anyone ever see that film besides me?)


• Frank N. Furter with Brad and/or Janet in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"

Anyway, you rarely find something that makes you feel it all. And I came across this short piece by poet and memoirist Nick Flynn in "Nerve," and I have to say, it was one of those rare lit-sex moments where I felt like I was actually in bed with him--not WITH him, as in being the partner in the story, but in his body, behind his eyes and ears and brain and nerve endings. And it felt amazing. Despite the fact that he was supposedly writing about bad sex. (Update: Nerve has switched this story over to premium members only, so if you're not a premium member, you won't be able to read the whole thing. However, I found a little bit more of it excerpted over here at Viviane's Sex Carnival, if you want to get a taste of it.)

If you like it, go check out his website, too. It's here. I hadn't heard of him before but it appears he has a really interesting memoir with a genius title: "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City." Just that alone makes me want to read it. So, go on, support a starving writer.

Another update: I've read "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City" now. It's worth buying.

This is probably primarily because I just love sound during sex in general. For me, quiet sex is okay, but if you really want to get me crazy, moan into my ear just how good you're feeling and I'll climb the walls; and most likely every inch of you, as well.

I also believe in reciprocating in kind, of course. I'm perfectly happy saying things to men that would make other women blush. In fact, I prefer doing so--and it's especially cute and rewarding if I can say something that will makes the man blush, too (in a good way, of course--maybe "flush" rather than "blush" is the right word).

In general, my phone sex has been restricted to men I've been in relationships with. But I have tried it twice with strangers, as a sort of experiment. And while I still much prefer both real and imagined sex to be with someone I know intimately, I find it interesting that in the physical realm, I generally can't fully enjoy sex or reach a full orgasm unless it's with someone I know and trust. Whereas, I have been able to come while having phone sex with a stranger. I'm not sure why this is, but I'm guessing there are two possibilities:

1) The person on the phone has to make sounds throughout the act, so I know what's going on. In physical sex, many men often try to imitate the male porn star thing where they stay quiet during sex except during the blow job and orgasm stages (so annoying). So during phone sex, I'm getting constant aural stimulation, which is a constant exciter for me.

2) It feels like there is less serious fallout consequence from a one-night phone stand than a one-night real-life stand. There aren't any STDs or potential pregnancies to worry about. The other person doesn't know where you live (assuming you're unlisted or you block caller ID), and you're not going to run into him in Starbucks the next morning. Well, I mean, you could, but you wouldn't know it if you did. So no uncomfortable conversations.

In any case, as I am currently partnerless, I don't have phone sex nearly as often as I would like. And yet, ironically, I'm often told (even by people I am not having the slightest sexually-tinged conversation with) that I was blessed with a voice that instantly stimulates the male libido, particularly over the phone. Not saying this to brag, mind you, it's just something I've been told spontaneously so many times that I figure it must be true--though to me I just sound like...myself. Anyway, here: you be the judge.

It's enough to get a girl thinking about quitting her respectable day job and going pro. So today, I am especially interested by this post by Katie over at Talking Dirty, about how to be a phone sex operator. Definitely looking forward to part two.

I wonder if I could satisfy my aural fixation AND make more money than I'm currently earning. I suspect not. And I probably would prefer getting it for free where the conditions are more egalitarian. But still, it's an interesting thought...at least a good one to fall asleep to after I sign off tonight.

In any case, if you're interested in other types of long-distance sex, too, you might also want to check out another blog link I found via Katie's site: Dante's Guide to Cybersex.

I know you're ready to lick it right now. Click to enlarge if you need more inspiration.

Take a bite of peach... Originally uploaded by whatmeworry101.

For those who might read this and don't know, this is the genuis idea of the brilliant Sam Sugar over at SugarBank, a site definitely worth many a visit. AND he's not only a brilliant idea generator; he's also a very good writer, and he has a very hot voice. The trifecta of attraction in my book.

Sugasm #17

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter ‘H’):

• Head Case (domequeen.blogspot.com)
• Interview? (swelteringcelt.com)


• In Today’s Mail (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)


• I Want Fingering In the Fast Lane (damnjezebel.com)


• KITKAST #1.11 - The Sex Party, Pamela Anderson and Kitkast Field Correspondents (mskitka.com)
• Phone Hoing 101: How To Get Into Phone Sex Part 1 (talkingdirty.blogspot.com)


• Pleasure Under Foot (4dirtylaundry.blogspot.com)


• Reader Question - Threesomes and Infidellity (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)


• Secret Reads: SexWatts Per Hour (secretbrain.blogspot.com)
• Sexual imbalances and what to do (realadultsex.com)


• Shrunk Down to Size (radicalvixen.com)


• Sight Unseen - Short Fiction by Mr. W (insatiablemrw.blogspot.com)


• Simply Beautiful (mimredbeard.com)
• Super Hottie From Portugal (eroticandy.blogspot.com)


• The Good Girl (chaosnoir.blogspot.com)


• The Sacred Obscene (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com)


• Tip of the Tongue (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
• zafira and jo on sapphic erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com)


• A massage (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com)


• Cock For Me (sexinga.blogspot.com)


• Diana And Darcy On Abby Winters (iloveabbywinters.com)
• Does "Ugly is as Ugly Does" Also Apply to Vibrators? (sexeteria.blogspot.com)


• Girl Interrupted……Ch. 4 (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)


• Bloggers Wanted (sugarbank.com)
• Join the Sugasm

I was once listening to a sex chat show on the radio where a female called in and said she was worried that she wasn't giving her boyfriend a good enough blow job, and she wanted to know if there were hints she could look out for that would give away whether or not she was doing it well. The male host's advice to her was not to be concerned, because essentially all guys feel that if they're getting a blowjob at all, it's a great blowjob.

But I've always wondered if it's true. And I'm sure it's something that many straight women wonder about.

Being a non-penis-carrying member of the FCLU (Female Contingent of Lust Universal), I can pretty much get a mental sense of what most acts during sex must feel like for a man, except for what it must feel like to have a blowjob. This remains a big question mark for me, because I simply have no frame of reference, and never will. And though I've never had any complaints or requests for anything different from any of my male partners when I ask for feedback, I've always wondered if men are just afraid to tell a woman to change her technique. I suspect men might worry that any constructive criticism could lead to insecurity or resentment on the women's part and--horror!--that might mean the end of all blowjobs for the guy altogether.

Or, maybe, as the DJ said, men think any blowjob is great, so they're just simply satisfied that they're getting one and they don't care about making it SUPER great. But why shouldn't they care?

And anyway, I just plain find it hard to believe any blowjob is good. First of all, when I ask my male friends if the DJ's statement was true, every single one of them will first say yes. But then when questioned further, they will tell me some people are far better at it then others and they are ready to wax poetic about what makes the good ones good.

And further proof to me is that in reverse, there are definitely men that are better and worse at cunnilingus. I can't imagine every woman is naturally great at oral sex. And, just as I'm certain any slightly more clueless or intimidated man facing an expectant pussy is quite grateful for any gentle roadmap directions a woman can give him to help him navigate down there, women would probably be equally as happy to get gently helpful advice.

So, men of the blogosphere, now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their cuntry. Help a sister out.

Please sound off about the best ways to suck you off. Share any secret--or not so secret--tips you wish more women knew about. Or IS any blowjob a good blowjob?

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter ‘S’):

Sex Type Thing (chaosnoir.blogspot.com)
Six Girls Skinny-dipping on Abby Winters (iloveabbeywinters.com)

Coach T…..Chapter Two (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)
Sometimes You Just Miss Having A Penis (berkeleybiboy.blogspot.com)
Strapping One On? (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)
Tangled up (lumpesse.com)
The Listening Brief (gentlygently.blogspot.com)
True Secret: A Night With A Star (secretbrain.blogspot.com)
Vixen, In All Her Sultry, Devilish, Glory (tirepaddle.com)
Brett and Hiromi interview themselves (sexblo.gs)
Hot teen lesbian sex on Sapphic Erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com)
Condom Conversation… (shayssexcolumn)
Cherished (ambientstorm.blogspot.com)
Dante’s Guide to Cybersex–Part II: Descriptive Writing(damneddante.blogspot.com)
Darkness (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)
Exactly where I want you… (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com)
Expectations (swelteringcelt.com)
Father Knows Best (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
Fucking Wifey To Make Me Jealous (radicalvixen.com)

How do you jack-off? (whatsyourpleasure.blogspot.com)
How to Get a Killer Lapdance (sugarbank.com)
Hot teen lesbian sex on Sapphic Erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com)
I might like you bettah if we shaved togethah (realadultsex.com)
KITKAST #1.12 - AVN 1/2, Howard Stern and Porn Battle Kits(kitkast.com)
Masturbation (sexinga.blogspot.com)
Mindfucking and Oral Service (talkingdirty.blogspot.com)
Men: What Are Your Best Blowjob Tips? (sexeteria.blogspot.com)
More angie6969 (eroticandy.blogspot.com)
My best fuck (damnjezebel.com)
Phone (anyonesgirl.blogspot.com)
My Fun Night at Work (MOCK POST) (tinastrangeworld.blogspot.com)
Realizing Mortality (bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com)

Join the Sugasm?

But I think if that many people would like to know what men think makes for good oral sex, I’m sure there’s a lot of people out there who would appreciate hearing the female point of view on how to give a woman great oral. I would assume that men in particular would love to hear some of this advice straight from “real” women rather than from unrealistic porn videos. I can’t imagine what it must feel like for them when they first come face to face with the mysterious complexity of a new pussy they want to please. I know they say generally men don’t like to be given directions, but my guess is in this particular scenario, they would be more than happy to have a good on-board navigation system.

So, ladies, it’s your turn. Please sound off on the best ways to get you off orally. Share any secret—or not so secret—tips you wish more men knew about. (Note: I’m saying give tips to the boys because, seeing as they don’t own a vulva or a clitoris, they have less of a frame of reference and might want more guidance. But bi and lesbian girls are very welcome to share tips, too. In fact, please do. We all of us want to have better oral.)

Now, unlike in my last post, I am quite familiar with what it feels like to have female genitalia, so I can start the conversation off with a few tips. Here they are. The list is a little long, so click the link below the first tip to get to the full post.

1. When it comes to women, “any oral is good oral” does NOT apply. Unlike how it is for men, just because you’re willing to go down there and start licking doesn’t mean she’s going to come no matter how it’s done. Orgasm is a very emotional as well as physical thing for women. If you don’t get both her mind and senses engaged, she’s not going to get off. Here are some more tips on how to do both.


2. Don’t head straight for the pussy like a heat-seeking missile. I know for a lot of guys, nothing is as exciting as having a woman you’re into start touching your package or start unzipping your fly and heading down south as early on as possible in a make-out session. This is because not only does it feel damn good, but it takes away a certain amount of insecurity—if that happens, you know she’s into you and you’re probably going to be getting some.

   This is NOT—I repeat—NOT the case for women. If you go straight for her genitals right after you start kissing, in most cases it will NOT make her feel good, because she hasn’t been turned on enough. Plus, it will not take away her insecurities by making her think you’re into her. Unlike you, she’s going to be pretty sure already that you want to have sex with her, and she’ll be in the process of deciding if she wants to have sex with you. What will make or break that is generally how willing you are to show you’re into her and her physical needs. Going straight for her pussy, either while clothed or even when you first both get naked together (if you do) is not the way to show her you’re into her physical needs. In fact, it might even make her think you don’t care about her at all and just want to get laid, which for most women would be a serious mood kill, and there’s no coming back from that (ahem). Most women need to get very worked up until they’re at the point where there’s no WAY they’re going to be able to want anything except getting you down there, and quick. So, unless you know your partner very, very well and already know she’s into quickies, if you go straight in for the pussy, you’re significantly lessening your chances you’ll even see her genitalia, let alone get her off. Instead, spend some time stimulating her by kissing, stroking, licking, and caressing every other part of her body first, until she is so worked up, there’s no way she’s going to be able to want anything but to have you down there, and quick. Once she’s already a little worked up, don’t underestimate the power of the tease…touch, kiss, or lick the sensitive areas around the pussy, especially the inner thighs, lower stomach, and mons pubis. Make her start thinking about it, but not getting it. The power of suggestion is has a mighty influence.



3. Forget all that "letters of the alphabet" nonsense.

   To paraphrase Ron Jeremy in “Porn Star,” (and who would know better than the hedgehog), some women like it clockwise, some like it counter clockwise, some like an up and down stroke, etc., etc. You don’t have to spell out the letters of the alphabet. Just try different motions and see what works. Circles around the clit, direct pressure pusing right on the clit, slow up and down licking, fast little flicks of the tounge…try it all and see what has the best effect. I mean, if it helps you to spell out the letters of the alphabet to figure out what motion works best for your woman, so be it. But the point is, when you find a motion that works, STICK WITH IT. If you reach the letter S and she suddenly starts bucking her hips against your face, don’t fucking move on to T, U, and V. Stick with S, damnit. S, S, S!!! Oh god, Ssssss!



4. Listen up! Pay attention!
   Some women aren’t shy at all about telling you just what to do and what they like, which takes away all the guesswork. But some women are more embarrassed to express themselves so bluntly during sex. In any case, whether she talks a lot or hardly at all, listen and pay close attention to the noises and motions she makes. If you’re down there and you hear something—an intake of breath, a moan, a “yes,” or if you see her starting to move against your toungue or face in even a slightly less controlled way—stick with what you are doing, you’re on the right track. Keep doing it some more. If she starts to get quieter or to calm down, it’s not working anymore; move on to trying something new until you start hearing/seeing a response again, and then stick with that motion. Recognize that if you here “no, “ “not there,” or “ouch!” you must NEVER go back to that approach. Realize that some women are more sensitive than others in that region. Just because your last partner liked to have her clit nibbled on doesn’t mean that your next partner is going to be able to take that direct approach.

   And most importantly, if at any time you hear her say, “right there!“, “I’m almost there! I’m going to cum!”, or “don’t stop!”…well, mister, DON’T STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I recognize it’s hard to continue to keep your motions consistent while she’s thrashing uncontrollably, but you signed up for this job, mate! Do whatever it takes to stay consistent at that moment. There is NOTHING worse than right as you’re about to peak, your partner decides to pause, change his tongue technique, or stop and ask for a blowjob instead. Once the momentum is broken for women, it can take a while to get back up there again. So unless you and your partner are into denial and teasing, stick with it till she’s screaming in ecstasy and tells you she’s done.



5. Communicate. Ask for tips.
   Since every woman is different, asking how she likes to be given oral doesn’t imply you don’t know what you’re doing. In fact, it shows you DO know something. As you’re getting to know your partner (or even after you know her well), don’t be afraid to ask “do you like that?” It’s pretty sexy to hear a partner ask that anyway, because you know they want you to really feel good. If you’ve got a partner who’s a little less shy, tell her you are going to be her slave for the night—at her total command, there only to give her pleasure, and she needs to tell you exactly what to do to her, when, and how. Step by luscious step. Do this, and she’ll not only be turned on, but she’ll give you a virtual roadmap to how to make her feel good. And, if your partner is even less shy, ask her to demonstrate for you what gets her off. One way to do this is to ask her to masturbate in front of you while you watch. Exciting for you and her! But many women might be very embarrassed to do this, or intimidated by that kind of thing. If you suspect your partner might be, or you don’t know, try this less exhibitionistic alternative. Stand or lay behind her, pressed up against her. After she’s nice and turned on, ask her to take your hand and masturbate herself with it, as if it were her hand. She can bring your hand around the front of her, and use it like a sex toy until she’s overcome with orgasm, but she doesn’t have to see you watching her as she does it. It’s very intimate, and very hot, but less confrontational. Whichever method you use, pay attention to exactly how she touches herself, and then, the next time you go down on her, do the same thing with your tongue. You’ll have her screaming for you in no time.

• Meeting on the second floor (gentlygently.blogspot.com…)
• After Action Report (swelteringcelt.com…)
• Baby… (damnjezebel.com…)
• Dave Naz again (eroticandy.blogspot.com…)
• Delightfully debauched (curvaceousdee.blogspot.com…)
• Gusher Pride (shaysotherspot.blogspot.com…)
• Her First Lesbian Sex (sensualarousalblog.com…)
• Hiding from my orgasm… (whatsyourpleasure.blogspot.com…)
• Kabbalah Curious (sugarpit.com…)
• Learn to deep throat (hotcouple.co.uk)
• My New Toy (radicalvixen.com…)
• Pervert! (sabrinainstockings.com…)
• Ready (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com…)
• Redheaded beauty Carissa on Abby Winters (iloveabbywinters.com…)
• Smoking Room Adventures (secretbrain.blogspot.com…)
• Strokes of Genius (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com…)
• Ten Signs You’ve Been Around Porn Too Long (sugarbank.com…)
• The Art of War (chaosnoir.blogspot.com…)
• This Could Make Me Rich (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com…)
• The F-stops Here (theholidaylife.blogspot.com…)
• The gag (rogerothornhill.typepad.com…)
• Those New Lace Panties (bikersballsandteacherstits.blogspot.com…)
• Time Flies… Oh! and HNT (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com…)
• Vixen Devilgirl: Getting the Lips Right is the Most Important Part of Good Head (tirepaddle.com…)
• Women: What Are Your Best Cunnilingus Tips? (Full post, finally.) (sexeteria.blogspot.com…)
• You like…? (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com…)

I started writing this blog exactly a month ago. In this first month, I've had over 2,000 visitors, over 3,000 pageloads, and return visits that number in the hundreds. That just amazes and humbles me. When I started, I thought I'd be lucky if 10 people a day found the site and even a few of them responded. Many thanks to all of you who have visited, and for your great comments and kind emails. I look forward to more discussion and meeting more of you who are out there and hearing your thoughts.

It also makes me feel great that there's such a thriving number of intelligent, thoughtful sex bloggers out there keeping the discussion open and interesting. I had no idea when I first signed on this would be the case. Now I find myself overwhelmed with the number of blogs I want to read everyday. How will I ever have the time???

Much xo to you all...I think together, we're all making the world a better, more open, more creative place.

Look what I just found...a gift that solves both couples' "our sex is getting too routine" AND "I'm sick of fighting over the remote control" dilemmas. Couldn't sound more perfect, you say?

Then get yourself over to see the oyster and the octopus. No, I'm not talking about taking your honey to Sea World for Valentine's Day. I'm talking his and hers, remote controlled, low noise, hide-in-plain-sight vibrators. Each is designed differently to stimulate the right parts for the right gender. And the remotes are on key chains so no one out in public need be the wiser. Ingenious. There's also video from some BBC morning show of couples testing both out, if you're curious to see the effects. How could you go wrong with this one--a gift for him/her that is ALSO a gift for you.

And if you're about to say, "Miss Syl, I already BOUGHT him/her a remote control vibrator...that is SO last year," well, how about adding a little something to your bedroom decor that will put your lucky victim in no position to criticize your gift? Mmm, mmm, mmmm, look at that wedge ramp combo (pictured here). Or, check out the more permanent furniture. I'd definitely be willing to show just how grateful I was if someone got me one of these for a present--make sure you check out the whole slide show. Makes your mouth water.

Ah, I'm jealous now of all you people who are going to get one of these on Valentine's day, while I'm left all alone and boyfriendless this year...

Now, if anyone gets any of these based on my suggestion, you know it's only fair...you have to give me a full review on exactly how well it "worked" as a present!

...but maybe it's about something even better, something that will bring you back to a certain feeling...

I was just thinking about how most people's "first time" is really not with a person, but with a piece of media--whether a book, a magazine, a photograph, film, TV show, or website.

Can you remember the first thing that sparked up your mind and body with that hot flame of desire? The very first thing that got you hard, or got you wet, so that you instinctively took your hand or pillow or (fill in the blank) and put it down where it needed to be, and started the motion that would, for the very first time, satisfy the sensations you couldn't even define yet?

I've heard men tell me they masturbated for the first time to women on sitcoms. Women tell me it was their life-size poster of their rock star crush taped to the back of their bedroom door. So innocent, yet so incredibly stirring, when you think back to how little it took to get your mind and desire racing back then.

For me, my first time was with a John Jakes novel called The Bastard. It was the first in a series of historical novels purportedly written for men, but which in reality were little more than masculine versions of romance novels. My dad had collected the series and had them sitting on a shelf, collecting dust in his study. I was a voracious reader and a brainy girl even then, and was already reading adult books, under my parent's supervision. I asked to read these books, and I'm sure my dad thought it was a good idea, as it would teach me things about American history. Little did he realize I'd keep the first book in the series under my bed for years, so I could have easy access to it whenever I needed it.

I can still clearly remember the very first time I read the opening sex scene in that book. In it, the hero, innocent and in his teens in pre-Revolution France, is seduced in the loft of a barn by the teenage-but-NOT-so-innocent serving wench who works in his mother's inn. It is winter and it is cold. She starts out pretending that she just wants to warm him up, but then she slowly starts touching him in different places, and putting his hands on her in different places, until she works him up to the point of no control. And reading that...well, that was the beginning of me learning to work myself up to the point of no control.

Part of me wants to go back and re-read that scene now, years later. But another part of me doesn't want to, because I'm sure to an experienced adult, the passage would probably seem trite and silly. But at the time, for me, a young and innocent kid like the French boy and girl in the story, it was so, soooo hot.

So who--or more specifically, what--were you with your first time?

Yes, I wrote it. Yes it's stupid. But admit it, you laughed.

I'm feeling giddy and silly and happy it's the weekend. I want to play! I want you to get silly and play with me. Read on to find out how.

So, on my way home today, I was just thinking about how the "dirty limerick" has become a lost art. Back in the dark ages before everyone could get whatever sexual content they wanted 24 hours a day (i.e., the entire span of human existence until the 1990s), people used to use these little rhymes to pass along sexual humor and, I would guess, they were also often used to pass along sexual knowledgethroughh that humor.

Well, I say, bring back the dirty limerick! We can all use some nudge, nudge, wink, wink silliness these days, even if we can fill our entire hard drive with very serious porn, thank you very much.

I therefore herewith establish (at least for one week) "Dirty Limerick Fridays." (Hell, if there's a Cockblogging Wednesday and a Half Naked Thursday, I've gotta act fast before all the days are taken up).

So play around with me. Email me a dirty limerick and as they come in, I'll post them on Fridays. It's really fun...and much more challenging than you'd think at first. Let's keep up a centuries-long tradition, and have a laugh while we're doing it.

xo,

Miss Syl

P.S. Does anyone besides me know both the full dirty and clean versions of "There once was a man from Nantucket?" I challenge you!

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them. This week starting with the letter ‘I,' for 'insatiable.'

Jefferson’s Gangbang #24 (viviane212.blogspot.com…)
Joy Swallows (seska4lovers.com…)
J.R. Duran (sexblo.gs…)
KITKAST #1.15 - The Art of Loving, Jenna’s Video Podcast and the 82nd Airborne Division (kitkast.com…)

Letter to La Minx (theholidaylife.blogspot.com…)
Lezzy Lovers (myfreeimplants.com…)
Lost. (domequeen.blogspot.com…)
Milk Gone Wild (pornzio.com…)

My First Time (sexeteria.blogspot.com…)
My Imaginary Genitals (v-boat.blogspot.com…)
Nora Marlo pinup model (eroticandy.blogspot.com…)
On Tim Burton and Anal Sex (dslashe.blogspot.com…)

Parking Lot Sex (radicalvixen.com…)
Private Appearance (gentlygently.blogspot.com…)
Refracted Pleasure (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com…)
Relax (nakedfella.blogspot.com…)

Secret Audio Reads: The Slow Shower (secretbrain.blogspot.com…)
Señor Happy (chaosnoir.blogspot.com…)
SexNotWork – World’s First/Best/Only Sex-Blog Network (sugarbank.com…)
Thoughts of our twilight delight and what it may bring… (maleslut35.blogspot.com…)

Trading Places, or Get Your Freak On Friday (barelace.blogspot.com…)
vagueBoy’s Guide to Pretties and Porn (vagueboy.com…)
Valentine’s Day is Approaching (janeluvsdick.com…)
Vixen Devil Girl Table: Ready for the Dirty Show! (tirepaddle.com…)

With a Name Like Zdenka She Has to Be Good! (twistys.com…)
After Sex (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com…)
CockCUNTBlogging Wednesday (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com…)
Condom Queen Quits Classy Company (sugarpit.com…)

Disappointment (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com…)
Explaining Attitude (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com…)
Full Shift (swelteringcelt.com…)
Happy Nekkid Feet (sabrinainstockings.com…)

HNT Exercise — one minute please (realadultsex.com…)

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