Some nights, a good laugh comes in handy. Especially when you are cold and shamed, lying naked on the floor.
For those who want to know, the performer turning medocre pop into comic genius is British comedian David Armand of the troupe The Hollow Men. He performed this version for the 2006 Secret Policeman’s Ball for Amnesty International. There was an earlier version going around the 'net, but this one is made better by the inclusion of Natalie Imbruglia actually being there singing and generally being a really good sport.
Marcy: My husband was a movie freak. Actually, he was particularly obsessed with one movie, "The Wizard of Oz." He talked about it constantly. I thought it was cute at first. On our wedding night, I was a virgin. When we made love - you've seen the movie, haven't you?
Paul Hackett: "The Wizard of Oz"? Yeah.
Marcy: Well, whenever he - you know, when he came...
Paul Hackett: Yeah...?
Marcy: ...he would scream out, "Surrender Dorothy!" That's all! Just "Surrender Dorothy!"
Paul Hackett: Wow.
Marcy: Instead of saying something normal like, "Oh, God," or something normal like that. I mean, it was pretty creepy! And I told him I thought so, but he just, he just couldn't stop, he just, he just couldn't stop, he just... couldn't stop.
For some reason I was reminded today of this scene from Martin Scosese's wonderfully surreal and very 1980s film After Hours. Worth a watch if you've never seen it.
Anyway, it got me to thinking if there are a lot of people out there who have their own version of a "Surrender Dorothy" story--where someone shouted out or did something entirely bizarre in bed that sticks in memory as being the weirdest moment one can remember in one's sex life.
I've been wracking my memory, but I don't think I have a really good one. I wish I did. But I love hearing these kinds of stories. Oddness is my one true delight. So if you've got one, why not share it here, and we'll see if anyone can best ya. (Remember, you can post anonymously if you want.)
So--strangest in-bed utterance (or behavior) ever? C'mon, it'll be fun.
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UPDATE: Oh wait! I just remembered one for me! It's not as good as "Surrender Dorothy," but...
Once, when I was on top, fucking of one of my lovers, he kind of lost his mind, slapped my ass, and gasped/shouted out, "Giddyap, pussy!"
I thought that was pretty damn weird. Especially because he wasn't close to being from any kind of western state, and had never ridden a horse in his life, so the expression "giddyap" would normally never have passed his lips in any context. In retrospect, I still think it's pretty damn weird, but also pretty damn funny, too. People will say the strangest stuff when they hit that out-of-control stage.
My friend Ray mentioned he's off to a neighborhood festival tonight, down New Orleans way. And it got me thinking about how much I love street fairs, or any fair or outdoor festival in general. I adore ever hokey, marvelous, lowbrow thing about them. The odd mix of people, the bizarre, cheap entertainment (pig races, anyone? face painting? test your strength?), the carnies, the rigged games, the strange crafts for sale, the smell of real kettle corn, the kids all wide eyed looking at everything and pointing at things and saying, "Pleeaaasseeee!" The adults smiling again like they did when they were kids at their first fairs. The lights of the rides at night. General goodwill and collective excitement in the air. The novelty of something different, waited for, in a boring year.
But, for all those joys that American fairs bring, there is one thing that makes them rock harder than any fair I've ever been to, anywhere else in the world. One joy that towers above the rest. One thing that makes me laugh with sheer delight and allow myself to have a moment of hope that perhaps American ingenuity and creative spirit is not dead after all. And that, my friends is the mother of all concepts: food on a stick.
Look at that. The beauty and madness of it. I defy you to find scotch egg on a stick anywhere else. Food on a stick is, quite simply, a divine gift from some totally debauched god.
And um, just as an aside...
Hey you...guy in the "orgy" shirt at 1:19--is that a Jurrasic Dog, or are you just really happy to see me?
(Come on, you know you watched all the way to the end to see him put his mouth around that, didn't you, you feelthy people?)
So. What's your favorite food on a stick? Or, the most bizarre food on a stick that you've ever tried?
